Six days up. Six days down. The GOP ticket didn’t take me up on last week’s challenge, so true to my word, my absentee ballot goes out in next week’s mail committed to re-electing President Obama and Vice-President Biden.
Rest assured, no matter my loyalty as a Democrat, my vote is with some level of reservation, but sometimes you need to stick with the Devil you know as opposed to the Devil you don’t. Perhaps after November 6th, the White House will start making amends with Americans, particularly Democratic supporters who have been frustrated with an administration that doesn’t fight back against antagonistic opposition.
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October 12, 2012
FAX TO:
Mr. Paul Ryan, United States House of Representatives
Janesville Constituent Services Center
20 South Main Street, Suite 10
Janesville, WI 53545
Fax: (608) 752-4711
From: Dr. David B. Pushkin
cc: Joe Biden, United States Vice-President
RE: Auction of 2012 Presidential vote
HIGH PRIORITY FOLLOW-UP
Dear Congressman Ryan:
According to the calendar and my records, your six business days are up.
It is my pleasure to inform you that my absentee ballot will go out in Monday’s mail with a vote for the re-election of
President Obama and Vice-President Biden.
You and Governor Romney never had a chance.
For a couple of trust-fund guys who harp on job creation, you let the easiest opportunity slip through your fingers.
I’m just as educated, if not more educated than you.
I don’t require retraining.
I don’t require any further education.
I’m more effective than you at communicating my knowledge to others.
I don’t run away from my record of accomplishments.
I already know how to do my job as an educator a lot better than you do as a politician.
Hell, you couldn’t even take advantage of option B — buy a copy of Philosophy of “Packer” pedagogy for every registered voter in your district. 259,182 people voted in your district two years ago. I would’ve let you get away with buying books for only folks who voted. I would’ve even let you buy books for only the 179,819 folks who voted for you. At $25 per book, you would’ve invested a shade under $4.5-million to flip my absentee vote. That’s not bad, considering you spent $3.92-million on your 2010 campaign. National office has higher stakes. You and the Governor could’ve gone halfsies if you were tight for cash. I’m sure Governor Romney has $1.96-million in spare change hiding between the sofa cushions in one of his homes!
You know how piddly $4.5-million is for a rich boy like you? One percent of the federal support to PBS scheduled for 2015! Chump change! For the equivalent of one feather off Big Bird’s tail, you could’ve acquired one vote from one of America’s most loyal Democrats. It would’ve been priceless for your election campaign... And you blew it. I frankly can’t understand how you’re a fiscal wonk... But I certainly see how you’re a wank (that’s what our friends north in Canada would call you, right?).
Do you have any idea how easy it would’ve been to create a space for me at the University of Wisconsin, move me to Madison, and provide me a handicapped-accessible environment, and do nothing further while counting on my income taxes? It would’ve been — hands-down -- your easiest re-employment of the 12-million jobs you and the Governor think you’re going to create if elected.
Think about it... If you couldn’t figure out in six days how to put a chemistry and physics professor back to work in your own backyard, even if I do use a wheelchair, how the hell do you two pinheads expect to put 12-million Americans back to work, many who are far less educated and ready to seamlessly resume an occupation compared to me?
You don’t have an answer, Congressman, do you? That’s obvious from your debate performance last night.
You’re in way over your head on this campaign.
You’re very uninformed on domestic and foreign matters.
You’re incapable of expanding thought beyond sound bites.
You’re incapable of telling the truth.
You’re mathematically illiterate.
You don’t get it, and you’re fooling nobody.
Your inability to honestly and intelligibly explain our nation’s fiscal structure leaves me no other conclusion than you somehow never passed high school algebra, because even the least mathematically-savvy teenager knows that the left and right-hand sides of the equal sign must balance out for validation. You, sir, don’t know your left from your right, and it’s uncertain whether you can even distinguish your elbow from your ass. If you can’t explain your own numbers during interviews and debates, then the American voters shouldn’t trust them, nor should they trust you or Governor Romney.
You and Governor Romney are proof that mating the ideologies of John Birch and Grover Norquist is very bad genetics. Americans don’t need sociological mutants in the White House. Americans need leaders who actually comprehend what average human beings are going through, leaders who comprehend sweat, blood, tears, pain and flesh. If Americans want quasi-logical androids, we can watch re-runs of Star Trek. If Americans want sterility, we can buy Lysol. If Americans want clowns, we can visit the circus. If Americans want a mystery, we’ll read Sherlock Holmes, not hold our breath waiting for the other shoe to drop on your campaign promises.
I’d rather have a second term of the Obama-Biden administration. At least they try to articulate the truth and not play voters for fools.
FAX TO:
Mr. Paul Ryan, United States House of Representatives
Janesville Constituent Services Center
Janesville, WI 53545
Fax: (608) 752-4711
From: Dr. David B. Pushkin
cc: Joe Biden, United States Vice-President
RE: Auction of 2012 Presidential vote
HIGH PRIORITY
Dear Congressman Ryan:
On behalf of all cheaters, moochers, dregs, losers and anyone else who falls under the 30-47 percent proportion of the American population you consider a drag on the economy, I hereby throw down a gauntlet of challenge at your feet, demanding you BACK UP YOUR BIG MOUTH.
There comes a point in political campaigns and public discourse where we the people, the registered voting citizens of the United States, are tired of and offended by you vilifying us at every campaign event. No... you can't wiggle your way out of this like you try on the Sunday cable television shows... your soapbox diatribes are recorded by multiple news networks for all to see and hear throughout the day. As your party's vice-presidential nominee, you've hit the big-time, buddy, so what comes out of your mouth gets more play than those thirty-second snippets on the 11:00p.m. telecasts.
So... you think that the best way to deal with "America's 47" is for everyone to simply "get a job", eh? Well, well, well, sir... today's your lucky day.
In the afterglow of Wednesday night's presidential debate, I mulled over the lofty campaign promise by Governor Romney (your prospective boss) to create 12-million new jobs if elected November 6th, and I've decided to take you and the governor up on your campaign promise and give you both a head start towards meeting that campaign promise... by creating a job for me!
Now, Congressman, before you get your Green Bay Packer undies all in a knot, there are a few things to be aware of. First, I happen to live in New Jersey, a fairly Blue State that will likely vote for President Obama, so even if I flip my vote, New Jersey's electoral votes likely won't go red. Second, I happen to be a registered Democrat who has consistently voted along the party line since 1984. The Republican party may be the "Party of Lincoln", but it's also the "Party of Watergate", and many of us Baby Boomers haven't forgotten that.
But after Wednesday night's presidential debate, I could be swayed, as it appears my party's candidate forgot his "brass knuckles", if you catch my drift. If President Obama is going to show a glass jaw during full-out combat, I may have to reconsider my vote... hence challenge to you, to put your money where your big mouth is and earn my vote.
I happen to be a member of "America's 47", which you and "Governor Ticket Top" look your collective nose down upon and sneer. I'll spare you all the details of how I joined the underbelly ranks of American society (you're supposedly a smart guy, go research it and find out), but I happen to be a legally, permanently, and physically disabled American under age 55. I receive Social Security Disability and Medicare benefits, as well as Food Stamps and Home Utility Bill Assistance. I actually pay federal income taxes at the rate of approximately 12 percent, and until I became disabled in 2006, I worked and paid federal incomes taxes since 1978.
Because I'm disabled and happen to use a wheelchair, I will submit an absentee ballot on October 15th, which means I'm allowing the slightest window of opportunity for you and Governor Romney to snatch my vote away from President Obama and Vice-President Biden. But there's a catch...
1. You have to create the same kind of job I had prior to becoming disabled.
2. The job must honor all of my civil rights and needs under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
3. The salary has to be on par with what I earned prior to becoming disabled.
4. The job should be ready for me to step into January 1.
5. The job must exist for three full years, and be renewable by mutual agreement.
6. You only have SIX business days from receipt of this fax to create the job.
Oh... I love a challenge, don't you? Guess what I used to be before life as a governmental moocher... Guess! Guess! Unless you did a quick Google search on me, you'd never guess that I used to be a chemistry and physics professor. That's right! No kidding! I, a member of "America's 47" taught chemistry and physics, on a full-time basis, between 1984 and 2006, and I also served as a science education professor for a decade along the way.
Now, considering you only have six business days -- I grant you one day for each year my life and career have been turned upside-down, I'll try and make things easy on you. Granted, I live in New Jersey, but I'm more than open to a change in scenery, so I'll let you focus your time and energy in familiar territory and create my new job at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. No... Don't send me to some outpost campus overlooking the northern peninsula of Michigan. I want to be where maximum academic and intellectual action is, and I want to be close to a major city like Chicago, because I'll need access to big hospitals to monitor my health needs.
I realize you're not a science person, but it's important that you create my job so I actually work in three different academic departments at the same time: chemistry, physics, and science education. That's what my three academic degrees trained me for, and it's not right to only utilize one-third of my knowledge and expertise. You're an advocate of American Exceptionalism, right? You can understand the concept of Americans making use of all of their abilities, right? So, let's maximize what we can from my brain, because it's the best functioning part of my body as it is.
I just had a great idea, and I'll tell you what we can do to make you look like a genius... you and your friends at the University of Wisconsin can create three part-time jobs for me, one from each department. Isn't that brilliant? I'm challenging you to create one measly job and I'll let you count it as three, leaving only 11,999,997 more to go after Inauguration Day. Granted, if you and the governor expect to have any chance of re-election yourselves in 2016, you can't be claiming three-for-one on too many other newly created jobs... I mean, after all, you guys have both talked a lot about Americans needing better-paying jobs, and stringing together a bunch of part-time gigs won't help the average American improve economically or make more contributions to our national economy. But for me, as a first start towards rebuilding America, you get a special deal in my offer.
Can I make things even easier on you? Sure, why not?! If I'm allowed to keep my Medicare coverage exactly the way it is right now, like you and Governor Romney promise for all seniors (it's rather funny how you guys aren't as forthcoming on Medicare coverage for disabled Americans at any age), you and your friends at the University of Wisconsin wouldn't need to provide me employer-paid benefits beyond relocation assistance and helping me find a handicapped accessible home in Madison. From a bureaucratic and fiscal perspective, you can't beat that, especially with your anti-union leanings!
But remember, three part-time faculty jobs at UW must collectively match what I earned in 2006, or else my vote stays Democratic. I'm dead serious about that. Going from able-bodied professor to disabled, unemployed (almost as long as the governor since his term ended in Massachusetts) and on SSD dropped my income by almost $65,000, which drastically reduced how much taxes I pay and contribute towards our economy's vitality. When we all sit down next week to negotiate terms, I'll gladly calculate what my annual salary should be, and I'm even willing to keep it fixed for all three years of my employment, like a standard professional athlete's contract.
Best of all, your friends at the University of Wisconsin don't have to worry about tenure issues. I'm perfectly content with three-year commitments to maintain the right balance between stability and freedom for all parties involved. You and your constituents provide me a fair and deserving opportunity to resume doing what I was educated and trained to do, and I get to provide the service of helping prepare the next generation of science professionals and scientifically literate citizens for society and our economic strength.
But chop-chop, Mr. Congressman... it's not like I've provided you an infinite period of time to walk the walk and earn my vote. By my calculation (taking Columbus Day into account), you need to pull this off and have a tentative contract offer in my hands before you step on the stage to debate Joe Biden!
Why copy the Vice-President on this fax? As a loyal Democrat who might flip my vote, I think the VP deserves a little heads-up, don't you? Besides, it's not like the Obama administration has treated me overly well (Hey Joe - does the name William Niebling ring a bell? He jerked me around big-time when I sought an opportunity with the Department of Education in 2009).
Psst! Psst! I also posted this fax on my blog site, Twitter and distributed it to my email readership, so this little deal we're cooking up is currently known by at least 5,000 people.
You're not the first politician I challenge, nor will I groove you an easy pitch to slam out of the park. You've talked way too much talk for someone whose current legislative legacy hinges on pushing America's most vulnerable into catastrophic circumstances and parsing the definition of rape. Gee... you know... if that was my legacy in the media, I'd jump at the chance to create an opportunity to restore one American's livelihood and level of productivity for all the nation to witness faster than I could say "budget wonk." Imagine claiming creation of three jobs as opposed to one, and generating good press for yourself and your political party with regards to bipartisanship and helping the disabled.
Most importantly, you'll be able to announce your accomplishment on national television during that October 12th vice-presidential debate, and you'll actually be able to tell the nation about a real-live citizen with a name, face, place of residence, and occupation, as opposed to Governor Romney mentioning generic nameless widows begging his wife for help during campaign stops. If you're going to use American citizens to illustrate the need for your election and political agenda, the least you can do is not make those citizens seem like momentary hallucinations. Perhaps you need to go back and study more closely how Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton perfected that technique, because your ticket mate stinks at it.
In case this challenge seems too daunting for you, I’ll give you the alternative challenge to purchase a copy of the following book -- which I wrote and self-published last year, in order to take responsibility for my own economic improvement — for every registered voter in your congressional district:
Pushkin, David (2011).
Philosophy of “Packer” pedagogy: Vince Lombardi, critical thinking and problem-based learning (ISBN: 978-1-257-97517-4, Lulu.com, Lulu Enterprises, Inc., Raleigh, NC)
Since you’ve been very public about your loyalty to the Green Bay Packers, I would imagine a book applying Vince Lombardi’s earliest background as a high school science teacher from New Jersey could be very worth reading to folks in your part of Wisconsin, right? I don’t know how many voters are in your district, but given your documented wealth, I imagine you can afford that many copies at $25 per book, right? No? Maybe the governor can spot you a loan?
I'm so glad to offer you this exclusive opportunity, because quite frankly, I don't expect you to try earning my vote, because I don't think even you believe a Romney administration can create 12-million new jobs... but Americans sure like the way baloney sounds when you guys keep promising it!
